Finding the Right Fit
Finding a new therapist can be taxing, anxiety provoking, confusing, exciting, frustrating and (insert many possible feelings here) … but it is also something you can’t get around if you are looking to begin therapy, either for the first time or again. Living in NYC gives us an advantage in some ways as there are so many therapists to choose from but also having that much choice in this process or otherwise can be paralyzing. So what do you do? How do you narrow down the options? Ultimately how do you find the right fit?
First off, your source. I always recommend asking around if you have friends, co-workers or family members that are in therapy and truly connect with their therapist. Those therapists might have colleagues that work similarly and are happy to pass on those contacts or if it is far enough removed, they might be a possible fit for you. Second, start on a directory such as Psychology Today or Manhattan Alternatives and narrow down from there. Both websites allow you to choose areas of focus or aspects of the therapist that are important to you. Additionally, you can search by insurance, rate and whether it is teletherapy or in person. I encourage you to set up at least a few consultation calls (most therapist provide a free, brief 15-20 minute) chat prior to scheduling any appointments as way to see if they can help, if you vibe and logistically if it could work.
Now here comes the hard part, putting you and what’s bringing you to therapy out there to several strangers. Here are some tips for how to get the most out of that brief call.
Give an overview of what is bringing you to therapy now, like right now in this moment what prompted that call. Past experiences in therapy can be helpful too, particularly if something didn’t work for you in previous therapies, make sure to bring that up so you can prevent re-engaging with someone who’s style, training, personality etc. just might not cut it for you.
Ask how this therapist might work with you, now knowing a little about what is bringing you to therapy. This is not necessarily to understand all the modalities or types of therapy this therapist is trained in or uses (unless that is important to you, then ask away) but more so to just get a feel for how they are interacting with you. How do you feel about the way they are speaking with you, asking you questions (or not) and listening. Notice what you feel in your body, is there an ease, tension or discomfort anywhere. Do you even like talking to this person or are trying to figure out to get off the phone? Notice this. Most research will show it actually matters a lot less what type of therapy one does but rather how strong the relationship is between the therapist and client. The first step to building any relationship is rapport.
Onto, logistics. Just because you work from home and can manage to meet your therapist at 9am on a Tuesday, doesn’t necessarily mean it will be the most helpful for you. For some, that could be the perfect time and for others it won’t be. I encourage you to think about the time before and after a potential session time, do you have time to decompress, take in what was discussed or at the very least breathe a bit before you have to transition back to work or life. It is also always okay to ask about rate upfront, how long sessions are and how insurance factors in or doesn’t. I usually leave a few minutes at the end of a call to discuss these very issues but if any of them are deal breakers, don’t hesitate to raise them right away.
Lastly, once you find a therapist you want to give it a go with, allow yourself time (sometimes that’s a couple sessions, sometimes less, sometimes more) to see how it feels for you.
Therapy is a process and takes time, at best, it’s a strong collaboration between two people very interested in learning, understanding and growing together as you work toward the goals that brought you there.
