Finding the Balance of Boundaries
“Resentment can stem from a boundary we are not respecting, often our own”
Boundaries can be a complicated thing and yet are a common struggle many of us have experienced in some form or another. Sometimes, we are not even aware that we are struggling with boundaries, we just find ourselves in patterns of not feeling good at work, in relationships or generally speaking. Often feelings are an indicator of whether establishing or maintaining boundaries are an issue for us. Some feelings like resentment can be so sneaky, creeping up slowly and then strongly over time. Feelings of resentment can arise for many reasons and can stem from a boundary we are not respecting, often our own. This can play out in cycles of overextending ourselves, feeling depleted (sometimes undervalued), irritable (or angry), stuck and then repeat. Of course this can and does look different for everyone but many of us can relate to some aspect of the cycle. How do we recognize the cycle in ourselves and how do we interrupt it? While there are potentially many nuances for each unique person, there can be some general tasks to think about when struggling with boundaries.
Notice what you are feeling. Are you more easily irritated than usual? Do you feel more frazzled or overwhelmed? Are you starting to notice feelings of frustration, anger or resentment at others?
Asking yourself about expectations, “What are the expectations in this situation”, “Are they my expectations or someone else’s?”
Challenge the expectations if they don’t work for you and/or challenge the belief that how you show up is how others should or vise versa.
Practice small by identifying less scary things to say no to and starting there, slowly.
Allow your self some grace to understand interrupting a long standing pattern is difficult and takes time. Give yourself space to explore where these patterns might have emerged from, what beliefs you might hold around them or yourself and the ability to question whether or not they are working for you.
