Is Perfectionism Holding You Back?
“Now that you don’t have to be perfect you can be good” -John Steinbeck
Are you having trouble starting tasks, projects or assignments? There could be very different reasons for your struggle. One of the things that can be helpful to break down in therapy is what might be holding you back. For many, starting a project can feel completely overwhelming. The reason behind the overwhelm can be telling as to whether the cause is more anxiety or executive functioning related, or both. I find it helpful to approach the difficulty from both a root cause curiosity i.e. what’s really underneath this? and a present day “what practical tools, tips, skills, etc. can help me overcome this?”. Depending on what might be underneath your struggle, there are different practical tools that could be helpful in overcoming it.
Two common but sometimes different struggles around beginning tasks are the need to do it perfectly and the difficulty in focusing. The way to start to unravel what might be stopping you could be to tune into any internal thoughts you are noticing. These could be your thoughts or the voices of others you have internalized in your life from growing up, society or elsewhere. Sometimes we are so use to our thoughts that we don’t even realize how much they actually affect us until we start to share them out loud. You might find that you notice a critical narrative around your ability to start the tasks, negative beliefs about yourself or fears around the tasks. If you find that perfectionism is preventing you from starting tasks, some ways of addressing this could be to:
Start small: break down your goals into smaller tasks and focus on each one independent of the other
Celebrate successes: acknowledge when you have accomplished a task, no matter how small
Challenging the concept of perfection: talking through the reality that there is no such thing as 100% perfection all the time
Time your tasks: perfectionism can be paralyzing, give yourself time limits to complete something and move on. It can be helpful to start small here with less meaningful tasks and work your way up
Develop more self compassion: this might come from getting more in touch with why you feel the need to be perfect and creating some space to be curious and compassionate toward that part of you. Sometimes this entails giving some time to explore where the self critical part comes from and what it is trying to do for you
The next time you find yourself having a challenging time beginning any tasks, take notice on what narrative you might be having around yourself and this task. The first steps in any change process is increasing your awareness, then we are able to explore whether it is working for you and whether it’s time to try something new.
